


Right

by missblatherskite



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Isabelle Lightwood, F/F, F/M, Lesbian Clary Fray
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 14:49:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14595354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missblatherskite/pseuds/missblatherskite
Summary: It finally made sense.





	Right

The things was, she never meant to hurt anyone. She never meant to make them fall in love with her. She never meant to twist it all up, to confuse herself, to turn all her feelings about until she couldn’t recognize what was real and what was not. She thought they were real. She really, truly, did. She never meant to hurt anyone.

 

It started with Simon, a slow creeping feeling that _this isn’t right._ It was little things. How she didn’t feel a tingle to her skin when he touched her. How her heart didn’t beat faster when they kissed. When she didn’t feel like she should…like she thought she should…when they had sex. There was just something off about everything. But she pushed everything to the back of her mind, let herself be with him. It’s what should have made sense, a forced clarity. She liked him, she loved him.

 

Jace only increased the mass of confusion. There was this something between them, bigger than anything she had felt before, something connecting them down to her bones. She thought it must be love, thought they must be meant for each other. It didn’t matter that she felt cold when he told her he loved her, it didn’t matter that she tasted falseness on her tongue when she said she loved him too.

 

The closer they became, the more he loved her, the more she needed to breath. The more she needed to be away, to not say it back, to not touch him back. And Izzy was there for her. She didn’t know, of course, what was wrong with Clary. She didn’t know why she was suddenly at her door more nights than not, suddenly requesting help with outfits, with hair, with makeup, more than she ever had before. But she didn’t seem to care, and Clary was glad for it. She needed it. She needed her to be there for her. And the longer they spent together, the more she needed _her_.

 

Jace was it for her, she knew that, but Izzy—Izzy had captivated her from the moment she met. She caused her heart to swoop in her chest when she smiled at her. She made her thoughts go blank when she held her hand. There was something about her that made everything light.

 

Everything, all her twisted up feelings, all her confused thoughts, came to rights the day she was on patrol in the park. And there, just a few feet away from her were two mundane girls holding hands. Just like she and Izzy did. But then they kissed. They kissed, still holding hands, just like she and Izzy. They kissed and she saw the passion there, the utter rightness. She saw and she knew. That’s what she wanted. She wanted to kiss like that. She wanted it in a way she never had before. She wanted it in a way that made more sense than anything. She wanted to kiss Izzy like she never had Simon and Jace. Like she never had a boy.

 

It changed everything. There was something so freeing, something so perfect at realizing. Lesbian—there was something so right about the word in her head, even if she had yet to feel it on her tongue. Because she couldn’t say it, not yet. She couldn’t say it to Simon, to Luke. She couldn’t say it to Jace when she broke his heart. She couldn’t say it to Izzy. She couldn’t get it past her lips like she wanted to, like she felt she needed to.

 

It took time. There was too much happening, too many things wrong for her to focus on getting the word out. Time passed and passed until they all had a moment to breath, and in that moment, she knew she was ready. She told Jace first, because he needed to know—needed him to see that it wasn’t him, that it wasn’t his fault at all. She told him she way gay. He didn’t yell, like she feared. He didn’t get angry, he didn’t say words that she’d feared he’d say. Instead he just hugged her, told her it was okay. They had a connection after all, down to their bones, romantic or not.

 

Luke and Simon were next, during a dinner when they were all laughing, when they were all happy with the weight of the last months off their shoulders. She used the word this time—lesbian. They reacted how she expected, with love, with acceptance. They were the two she hadn’t felt the need to fear, and they didn’t let her down.

 

Izzy was last. Wonderful, wonderful Izzy who helped her realize. Wonderful Izzy who she loved. She knew she wouldn’t care—and that was her fear. Because she wanted her to care, she wanted her to be elated, to be overcome. She wanted her to take her hand and kiss her. She wanted her to love her. She didn’t, of course. She smiled, she hugged her, she took her hand in hers. But she didn’t kiss her. She didn’t profess love, She wasn’t happy for herself, and not just for Clary. She was happy as a friend.

 

Clary told herself that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> This might need an edit I haven't decided yet. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is always welcome. 
> 
> Comments warm my little goblin heart.


End file.
